Some bit of closing.

As much as I'd like this to continue, it may be in another sort of incarnation.  The project was performed Friday night- video to be uploaded soon.  Wonderful experience, with lots of learning for me as to the nature of letting go.  For me the key was to be active in remembering my purpose, desire, and needs for the showing and for the process.  As long as I was in the place of clarity, joy, experimentation, trust, and in the arena of finding my dancing voice for the moment, I was succeeding.  I re-affirmed my love of dancing and performing, alone and with others.  I found the fun in the dance, I found places of ecstatic dancing where I truly experienced dancing moments for the first time.  I surprised myself, and allowed for surprising.  Of course there are things I'd do differently, and these things became so everclear as we were dancing.  I also got a window into myself as a leader/participant.  

And the wheel rolls on, the task changes, and I'm thinking about ways of continuing my dancing life, figuring ways of remaining vested in the community that are genuinely me. 

Feeling the ebb.

This project is calling up my endurance.   We're in a good place, looking forward to tomorrow. 

Morning rendering

This morning I found an open blog on improvisation.  The conversations are thoughtful and detailed, and offer nice insights on the nature of improvisation.  One that sticks with me is that improvisation is something that happens in the practice.  We practice improvisation, but the practice is not improvisation, but true improvisation happens inside of the practice.   I'll try and wrap around that. 

http://slightly.net/improv/

Putting it together

Today's rehearsal felt great.  I'm getting better at being a participant and leader, and things are coming together. Setting chairs out where the audience will be lent a nice sense of soon to be completion.  The end is near, not that this process will have pre performance finality that many set works have-- this project is largely going to be new when we perform it on Friday.  The excitement lies in the unknown, and the trust.  Trust is big. The group aesthetic is happening.  Today felt like a reassuring squeeze. 

Dancing on old blue floors

The ethereal blue green floor at Voice of the City adds a cool color tone to our work here.  It also adds character; after we taped over the embedded gum, tootsie roll remnants, and levered staples out of the wood, we were more connected to the ground- literally.   It's been an interesting process of making this space feel comfortable to be in.  It has a great energy, and I can tell it's been well used, albeit, probably not for dancers.  It's pretty gritty, and really emblematic of the neighborhood.  That part I like.  It's truly connected to the streets and the urbanity of Logan Square. 

being present with all the little details

I have really been enjoying this process and Carleens insights into choreography vs. improvisation. Sometimes I find myself caught between these two worlds. And there is overlap...its being present that is the most interesting.

How can I bring more of a sense of improvisation into choreography. Improvisation allows me to respond, to sense, to listen, and to allow my instincts to take the reign. I have always felt more at home and "alive" in improvisation. I think the state of awareness that I find in improvisation i something that can be brought into choreography more and more. How do you take material and make it fit on you or make it your own even while including all the little details of what makes a phrase "a phrase". Feeling my whole self in unified action, carving space, and staying "cool" i think are things I am going to try to stay present with.

Choregraphy is like a map, a map of action, a condensed story and maybe a seemless thought out poetic statement. It doesnt define reality and the present moment but I enjoy choreography for its beauty. It allows me some sense of awareness and clarity on another level to be able to connect to myself, my body, be mindful, in control, and navigate through space with a higher awareness of technical presence which takes practice.

I am enjoying all the little details. I am feeling a sense of soft focus....

This little dance

I'm thinking about choreography vs. improvisation for this particular project- keeping in mind this little dances scope, people involved, and my own mind availability.   Here is an interesting look on the subject, in the medium of tango.  He says "I dance on the level of instincts." and "Improvisation is a baby of intuition, choreography- artistic logic. " 

http://www.virtuar.com/tango/articles/2006/improvisation.htm

He also says rehearsed does not mean choreographed.  Choreographed is making a dance.  This was a little big moment for me- setting something, calling it choreographed, and then not rehearsing it, still may be in the level of innovation, and improvising choreographed movements. hmmm. Need to think on that. 

For fun look at a conversation on pole dancing choreography vs. improvisation.  

http://poleskivvies.com/2009/05/putting-the-dance-back-in-pole-dancechoreography-vs-improv/

Interesting mini conversation on complexity theory, and it's connection (or call for a dance specific recreation of one) to dance. 

http://www.ivarhagendoorn.com/research/emergent-patterns-in-dance-improvisation-and-choreography

Still not sure where I'm going today. 

Tired.  And trying to remember the most salient things from today.   I guess what's going on in my head right now isn't about today-- I'm thinking about who I'm/we're doing this for.  Ultimately it's for ourselves.  I think I want so much to have an authentic experience, it almost doesn't matter what it is.  Dance is the way for me in which I am completely embodied, and the mind takes on a more animalistic, guttural, instinctual, way of being.  At least that's what I'm going for, and when I'm there I can feel authentic.  The other thing is that we're all always looking for some kind of connection with someone else, or with ourselves.  Dance for me seems to be the most ready language for connecting.  

Tomorrow I want to work on movement conversations.  Today we did a little with movement sentences.  It was lovely to watch each other have an experience, and work through things with observers.  

I'm struggling with filling the role of participant and leader, and wanting to veer more towards participant.  So I guess that means I should be more of a leader. 

Also, I'm challenged by wanting to check in with everyone all the time- and the feeling of needing to make everyone happy.  I think in the end we find our own happiness, but within this process it's okay to ask for it. 

And one more thing- I can't get my camera to work with my computer.  Compatibility issues.  Go figure. 

moist Monday

The rain woke me up in the middle of the night. So did the cats jumping on the bed and James rolling on to my side. These definitely contributed to my Monday morning energy today. But, after not having participated in a creation/performance process since May, I am incredibly excited and grateful to be participating in this one. I love Carleen's feeling that she wants to "make fun dances." That's why I do this. Dancing is fun. It won't make me rich or famous, but there isn't anything else I can think of that would be as much fun to do for a living.

When I was a sophomore in college I broke my T12 vertebrae, and was told by many people to take the time off, reconsider what I want to do with my life. I tried. I couldn't stay away, and took a semester of dance composition (among other things) with a back brace on. When I tried to think of something, anything else to do with my life, everything else sounded awful for one reason or another. As hard of a life as it is trying to make your living in dance, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Part of our work today involved taking risks. We even made "risky" dances, though looking back I'm not sure how risky mine really was. We did a contact improv warmup, which felt risky for me simply because I haven't done contact in a while, and with a background in ballroom dance and set-choreography duets I am most comfortable with assigned roles in partnering, so the free form, trusting nature of contact creates a certain level of disequilibrium in me. But we must take risks in order to grow, so in I plunged and went along for the reasonably successful, exciting ride.

I am excited to see where the work takes us over the next few days. I'm thankful to be collaborating with such thoughtful, fantastic, experienced women. There is a certain level of kinetic excitement that you can only get from improvising. While set choreography can create a sense of authority and familiarity in the body, improvisation creates energy and intense awareness. To me, that sounds like a lot more fun right now.

Early morning searching

I was looking for some inspiration this early morning and came across an interview with Lisa Nelson,  it is a conversation on her technique of "Pre-Tuning." She eloquently says, 

"By loosening the bonds of perceptual conditioning in the relative safety of the dance studio, grounded in the play of the body, to revisit the magical world of the child, pre-naming, rendering responsibility and a more direct, flexible and compassionate construction of reality with which to face the challenges of our ailing planet. It is my hope that the spirit of dialogue that is at the root of improvisational efforts in dance will inspire action and individual initiative in pursuit of a life that is worth living, in the theater and out."

http://www.movementresearch.org/publishing/?q=node/305

This reminds me of the depth of knowledge that is out there, and reconfirms my desire to do something that is part of a life that is worth living (which is inherently already true). 

what does move me?

I want to know more about what moves me. I know I am moved by my community and a responsiveness and a curiosity in each other in building relationships. That is one reason I was excited to be in this process with Carleen and friends.

One thing that really moved me personally today was sensation, sensuality, and a sense of touch and tactile quality. Carleen asked us to be aware and connect to the space. Where was our spot? It was hard for me to feel a connection and comfort in the space right away as it was new to me and it seems like a such a multi-functioning space with a lot of energy that I didnt really know much about.

I found myself drawn to the fan and then especially these very sheer ghost-like drapes that were randomly hanging in the space. Why? I could only wonder. Maybe I felt the many unknown ghosts and energy that filled the space, even the feather of a bird that took on life in the space among our dancing and whirling. Maybe I felt like a ghost myself-finding my place in the space. Or maybe I wished I could be somewhat of a mysterious form shifting in the space.

It also became really satisfying for me to touch and feel the various things and props in the room..feeling what was tangible and literally feeling the room like a tangled web.
Constructing and deconstructing.

What also moves me is listening to the body. Today, after our break I didnt want to move, and if i did it was very slowly, with a sense of distance and very internal. I was drawn internally to the sensation I was feeling, the heaviness and giving in to gravity.

How do we listen? How do we choose to listen? What do we see? What is felt and shared? How do we support each other? What moves us?

I hope to continue to bridge and have an experience with some of these thoughts and sensations...

Chunky Sunday.

It is h o t.  Julieann, Elisa, Mary, and Melissa are good sports.  The five of us dance pretty solidly for 3 hours, humidly and slowly, we wade through a few ideas and come up with some structures that work.  We all know each other in some capacity, but haven't improvised together in a process in a while.  I am so grateful for their experience, and willingness to share ideas and successes. 

We start with finding our own individual perfect spot in the space.  Taking about 20 minutes, we explore the area of space- its lines, the feelings and emotions that the spot brings out, the other objects in the space, and anything else that comes up.  After getting to know the space and our bodies in the space we come back together and jot down 3 words that we can associate with our experience.  I send everyone back to their spot to then find 3 movements that correspond to the words.  Now we have a small dance vocabulary to work with together   Like a string, we put movements together and make a small phrase that we all know and do together a few times so that it is comfortable.   

After a bathroom break and standing in front of the porta cool for a while, we start a group improvisation, working and bouncing off the things that grab us in the space.  Lines, chairs, the piano bench, and a lingering feather that keeps reappearing and dancing with us.  It feels good to get moving together, and to let go of the feeling of product.  Some of the things that came out of the first group improvisation were found with questions.  I asked everyone what stuck? What mattered?  Which things are still living in the space even after we've left it? 

Some things I remember from the conversation on how do you know if you're connected to what's going on in the improvisation::: 

• It's nice to observe someone else while in the space as a supporter.  It's important to support, and hold what's happening in the space in the moment, even if you aren't directly tied to it.  
• Elisa and Mary brought up reverberation; bouncing of what someone is dancing, grab a bit of their movement and let it travel through you.  
• Eye contact is an easy way to know that connection might be happening
• Melissa mentioned not overanalyzing things- importance of letting things happen and moving on
• We talked about pathways as a way of connection- traveling in the same physical space, making a movement grid as a response to lines in the space 
• I talked about the feeling of being "not in it," and how sometimes I work on recognizing when I've left the improvisation in my mind, or if what I'm dancing is just not working, or I'm not feeling it- I often try to leave the space.  It's a consciousness issue. 
• I was so glad that Julieann mentioned surprises.  She said something she's been working with is when she feels "not in it" is to give herself a movement surprise- something that sends her in a different path that she could never have predicted.  

Thoughts on endings.  I wanted to know how we think about endings.  Time limits make is easy to feel endings; if we are working with a time we can usually feel when endings come.  When there are many people dancing, ending are hard because everyone may be within different pages.  The group consciousness is something I'm going for, and honoring the softening, ebb/flow, and dovetailing when endings are coming is so valuable.   In the same conversation, something that we decided we were interesting in is dynamic endings.  Findings endings that happen on an up note, not a swirling down the drain.  

We did a bunch of "shorties," which are improvised dances that occur within 2 or 3 minutes.  We started out the shorty section with duets and trios because working in a quintet felt difficult to see everyone and maintain a feeling of connection so early in the process.  I think that by friday we will be well on our way.  

Dancing shorties felt so good- they were contained, intuitive and innovative. We had fun with the observers calling end, so as to keep the dynamicism up, and with simultaneous beginnings.  Finding the thread wasn't always easy or immediate, and with that, honesty in movement was at the foreground. 

In the last half hour, we made a string of the things that seemed to work, and deemed the 15 minute bit Chunky Sunday.  

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. 

 

Today is day 1, and I am alone in the space for a while.

Morning Beginnings.  This online document will serve as group documentation and sharing board for our small dance project, which starts today.  

Notes on the morning: Alone in the space, get the porta cool going, investigate the windows. Sweep sweep sweep and see some potential.  I have a small vision.  Asking questions. 

This is the first time I've been alone in a movement space in a long while.   Allowing myself to indulge in a process is something I'm grateful for.  

The floor is DIR   TY.

How do we best use this space?  It's full of tables and boxes, home items; the boxes have labels like "credenza."   The walls are white, with some screws left in from paintings.  There's an office area, old mac computers, and a refreshment area with cheetos.   The floors are blue painted and scratched.  I can see the burls in the wood.  I feel good about that.  I can tell this place has a soul. 

Thoughts for tomorrow with my dancer collaborators:

-getting acquainted with the space, have an experience in the space.  Find your perfect spot and make it yours. 

-seeing the details

-task based dancing and movements- highlighted by lights

-finding a nugget per day.  Looking for something salient that sticks from each day. 

-We'll talk about how this is an experiment in community dance building.  Can we create dancing relationships in a few days that encourage and allow honest interactions and knowing inside of an improvised dance?

A few more passing thoughts.... I have both fear and hope about my absence from project based dancing.  I hope that my mind is fresh from different experiences that act like spice to my base of dancing/improvising knowledge.  

I walk over to the small windows behind the porta cool and look across the street and see a girl with orange gloves cleaning out a dumpster, which is opened from the side.  There are boxes and plastic wraps coming out, she's using a hose.  Other men are walking zigzagging across Diversey.

I wonder, how can I make this a local project?